Since Thanksgiving I’ve enjoyed watching lights and decorations go up around the city. Since things have calmed down after finals week I’ve wanted to write a holiday post. I sat down with the intention of writing a happy Christmas post but honestly – I’m having a hard time doing it. I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but I don’t want to force feelings I don’t have, either.
Things were supposed to be a lot different after moving to Seattle. I expected the first year to be a little rough and unsettled. I expected that the first year celebrating the holidays away from home would be strange. I was right on both counts, but I’d also expected that by this time, our second Christmas in the Pacific Northwest, I’d be settled into my new job, making good money, debts paid off. I’d expected we would have moved up from a small apartment into another house, with room to spread out, and would have been able to return to Nevada to get the rest of our belongings out of storage. I’d expected that the Tominator would be feeling great, that we’d have established some new holiday traditions for ourselves, that Dream Girl would have found her niche.
|Sparkly morning sidewalk.|
The first year was not just rough; it was hell. The job I moved up here to take was nothing short of horror and my life has swerved into a direction I’d never seen coming. I’m still in a small apartment. Most of our possessions are still stored in Nevada, including all of the Christmas things I’ve amassed over the years – the tree ornaments with accompanying memories, the special advent calendar, the handmade stockings. We have not, in fact, been able to spend Christmas Eve in a cabin on Mt. Rainier, warming up with hot cocoa after a rousing snowball fight. I haven’t seen my mom and sibs in almost two years and it’s been almost a year since I’ve hugged Monster. I never knew how awful homesickness can be. Girl Scout camp did not prepare me for this.
When I was a little girl we would all gather around the upright grand piano. My mom would play and my dad would sing, and he sounded exactly like Perry Como. This one was his favorite, and mine too:
I’m feeling better now, but I won’t stop missing people. Keep the memories coming. With the Solstice comes the return of the Sun and a lightness to carry us out of this winter hibernation.
Merry Yule, Blessed Bodhi Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, — and Happy Newtonmas (or just “enjoy winter!”) for the atheists!